To the balcony people in my life!
This is the second time I have read the book Balcony People. It was eye opening the first time and launched me into a journey of personal transformation ... a journey of looking at my heart and question where I fell on the scale of affirmers and evaluators.
I fell very strongly into the category of evaluator and I, not surprisingly, found myself surrounded not by balcony people -- affirmers who love unconditionally, listen from the heart, and care deeply and unselfishly -- but rather by basement people, those who's stinging remarks and judgement and criticism pull you down into the basement so that the only way you view others is through the critical eyes of evaluation. Overcoming this way of life and tearing down the foundations of a critical spirit has taken me a number of years, and I still have to watch myself, but I am thankful I have come this far. Being critical, selfishly motivated, pretentious, and evaluating isn't just a spirit, it's a habit and a state of mind. Breaking it requires prayer and practice.
I have really struggled with reading for some months now -- maybe 18-20 months since I have really read a book all the way through and been impacted by it. Looking back, I believe strongly that it was part of learning to rest. I was frustrated because I missed reading and how it made me feel so much, like a lost friend. However, I now see how important it was, that God had things He needed to break off so that he could fill those areas with love, compassion, and purity of heart. You see, even reading bible verses or books in an attempt to heal from woundedness of heart, I was unable to read without categorizing others who had hurt me. In other words, I was unable to read with a pure heart. I always dragged my evaluator self into what I was reading and God knew I needed to be set free in that area.
So, after beginning countless books only to set them down after a few chapters, I picked up Balcony People by Joyce Heatherly over the holidays and read it over a couple weeks, and FINISHED! Most importantly, I was moved by every page, took time between each chapter to absorb and meditate on what I'd read, meditate on my own blessings and how I could incorporate more of this into my own life -- and pray for God to launch me into a full blown affirmer lifestyle! I wasn't thinking about who else could benefit from the book. I was focused on God changing me, and how much he had changed me, and who my balcony people are!
The first time I read the book, there were only a couple in my balcony, a shaky couple at that>
This time, I saw my balcony filled with the affirmers and divine connections God has generously brought into my life to aid in my healing process and to help launch me into my future. I could see their faces, feel their love and acceptance, hear their words of encouragement so loudly and brightly...and can everyday. AND, finally, I realized that those in my basement were fading away. Their voices and judgements were getting blurry and faded.
And those in the middle -- sometimes uplifting, never evaluating toward me but just hard to be around because of their evaluating nature toward others? God has given me grace to love and care for and cherish them dearly, just not at continual close range.
I began to see how, once I stopped trying to move myself forward and stopped trying to heal myself and just let things be, He hedged me in with love and selfless loving people who spoke into my life, prophesied over me, spoke into my gifts, helped me see myself more clearly because they live a life of bringing the love, healing, and restoring ministry of Jesus wherever they are...and when you spend time with them, you are spending time with Jesus. Oh, how much he loves us!
And so, transformed yet again, I eagerly await His release to bring this same affirming, healing, restoring love to others. I just needed this book to see more clearly all He's done and is doing. I fell lighter and more empowered than I have in a long time. I know that as I go back out into whatever he calls me to, I won't be as alone this time, that I have a giant balcony of people who have me covered in thoughts and prayer, who love me without expectation or pressure, and who long to see what God has put inside of me released into the world without measure.
God is so good and so faithful. No matter how dark the night may seem to become, never forget His goodness and faithfulness. he truly provides everything we need at exactly the right time if we just wait on Him and trust Him. His provision is all encompassing and His healing and restoration are full and complete.
"He who has begun a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus"...Philippians 1:6
"Never once did we ever walk alone, never once did you leave me on my own.....You are faithful, God you are faithful..."
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